You've Got to Understand
by leighton.c
Summary: She likes the way Carter calls her beautiful and she likes the way he looks at her with a longing that makes her feel wanted. SerenaCarter SerenaNate


**Reviews make me happy! And I don' t really know what this is, but I'm bored waiting to go to the Hampton so I wrote this!**

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She doesn't know what possesses her to do it, but she does it. She leaves with Carter and doesn't look back. Her mind his hazy and her heart aches and she figures that it's the easiest thing she can possibly do. It's Carter after all, he's always been easy to be with.

She likes the way he calls her 'beautiful' every single time he lays eyes on her, and she likes the way he looks at her with longing that makes her feel wanted. She just likes the feeling of being with him because unlike everything else in her overly complicated life, it's simple.

He's her salvation; he saves her from losing herself and she owes him everything for it. He whisks her off to Fiji and promises her the world. She believes it because it's in her nature. She believes everything and everyone. In everyone but herself.

XoXo

They're in Fiji for a week before Serena needs a change. She's bored of the beach and she doesn't want to laze about in her hotel room anymore. There isn't enough excitement and Serena thrives off adventure. Fiji doesn't offer much in the way of that and Carter refuses to push the boundaries of their relationship, preferring it remain platonic. She doesn't agree. She wants something, someone, to help her forget.

He tells Serena that he doesn't see her in that way, but Serena is much more intelligent than people give her credit for, and she knows that the real reason is more to do with Nate than his feelings for her.

"Carter. We need to leave. I'm bored and there is nothing else to do here." She whines, sitting up straight in her chaise and setting her Long Island Iced Tea on the side.

"You sure? I'm finding this quite relaxing" He admits, his arms crossed behind his head as lay there contently enjoying the sun's rays. His eyes are closed and she thinks he's ignoring her, but really he's avoiding the site of Serena in a low cut swimsuit that could quite possibly get him into the trouble that he's so desperately been trying to avoid.

"I'm sure. What you call relaxing, is what I would call boring. Seriously Carter! I want to go to Europe, Amsterdam, Paris, Barcelona! Fiji is for married couples who have nothing better to do on their honeymoon" She complains.

"I'll think about it."

She sighs and walks towards the pool and dives in, splashing Carter in the process.

He finally relents and suggests a multitude of destinations for Serena, but Serena doesn't find any of them appealing and instead takes charge and books two tickets to Amsterdam and smiles smugly when Carter protests.

"It's a ridiculous destination! We're not going to be visiting the monuments: you've probably already had a private tour of the whole city!" He complains.

"Yes, but I've never been to the Red-Light District" She winks suggestively.

He gives an exasperated sigh and walks out of their suite and heads downstairs towards the hotel bar.

She smiles in victory and lays her head on the pillow. She's tired of their constant 'debates' and needs to rest before the next one tomorrow and while she attempts to drift off to sleep she thinks.

She likes the way Carter always gives into her. She likes the way he doesn't have to have the last word and she likes the way she doesn't have to worry about him leaving her.

XoXo

He sends her a message every day and Serena never replies. She stares at her cell-phone with longing but never replies. It's too soon and she can't be expected to forgive him just yet. After all, he's the one who broke it off with her: she only wanted to take a break and better herself. To stop making the bad decisions.

But that never worked and she was back to square one. Running away from home and drowning her sorrows in the most immature and irresponsible way possible.

Nate was what kept her grounded, and now that he had left her; she had no-one to help her and she reverted back to her old mannerisms.

Sometimes it was all she could do; even if it was juvenile.

XoXo

He walks over and picks her up, bridal style, and decides that it's time for an intervention.

They're going to miss their flight and Serena refuses to get out of bed. So he picks her up and puts her in the bath. He doesn't take trust himself to take her clothes off, so he grabs a bucket and fills it with cold water. He pours it over her head.

She instantly wakes up and looks at his face. She's not happy and he knows it. Or at least he thinks he knows.

Instead of shouting or doing anything remotely similar, she unhooks the shower and turns it on full blast, pointing straight at him.

He splutters and he looks at her. She's laughing and clutching her stomach. He hasn't seen her laughing for the entire duration of this vacation. It makes him smile and he decides to join in her fun

They're together. Laughing. Actually together. Not just two people in one room. But together.

Serena likes the fact that he can be this spontaneous and she thinks that maybe things aren't all bad.

XoXo

Serena's not sure what to make of the latest text message she has received so she deletes it. It's more than her heart can handle and certainly a lot more than her head can comprehend.

Putting her cell-phone away, she sets her elbows on the bar and bats her eyelashes skilfully at the bartender and asks for a Manhattan Cocktail and he serves it on the house.

"Missing home?" Carter's voice rings in her ears as he takes his seat next to her at the bar and nods towards her drink.

"How'd you guess" She laughs bitterly. It's true and she doesn't want it to be, but it's true. She's missing Blair and Jenny, she's missing Erik and her mother, she's missing Dan and Rufus and she's even beginning to miss Chuck, but really she knows who she's missing most and she doesn't want to admit it. So she doesn't. Instead she finishes her cocktail quickly and pulls Carter out of the bar and out of their ridiculously expensive hotel and takes them both to most Amsterdam's nightclubs that she has researched and forces Carter to dance.

He reluctantly agrees and keeps his distance from Serena, much to her dismay. So instead of forcing herself upon Carter in a manner that would look a little too desperate for her liking she moves away and sifts through the crowd to find someone that isn't taken and that instead takes her attention.

She finds several men, all of whom are more than willing to dance with Serena but none of them really capture her attention like she would hope and so she leaves them disappointed and longing in the club.

She walks out in haste and starts walking, unsteady in her impractically high heels, tears stinging her blue eyes. She feels an arm grab her roughly and pull her back but she resists. She knows it's Carter and she knows what he's about to do, but it doesn't feel right. Not now. Not when she's vulnerable and missing him.

It's wrong.

XoXo

He takes her to London. It's beautiful. But it's not enough. The buildings are majestic and she loves the accent, but somehow she feels as though something is missing.

There is no sense of familiarity and she feels misplaced. This summer isn't turning out as was expected. It's a disaster. This summer was about finding herself but instead she feels even more lost. More than she thought was possible.

Her heart stopped hurting a long time ago; now it's just numb. It harbors no feelings and she doesn't know what can do. She wants to ask Carter to hold her close and keep her happy. But she knows that's not what she needs. It may be what she wants but it's far from what she needs.

She needs time; she's healing and she needs everyone to understand. But they don't.

In their opinion it all comes down to the fact that Serena is immature and too free-spirited for her own good. It's everyone's excuse and she's tired of it. She's had a hard enough life with her father leaving, her mother running away and her feelings being mixed up all the time and she just needs someone to understand. To not judge.

She wants love but in the form of acceptance. It's always been difficult: Dan wanted her to change because her world was too different from his, Aaron wanted her to change because she was too wild, Blair wanted her to change because she was too popular and stole the throne from her. Even Chuck thought she was a trainwreck that needed to change her ways. Lily thought she was too irresponsible and Bart was under the same impression. It was hard. She just wanted acceptance.

But sometimes that's too much to ask for.

XoXo

London is not very enjoyable. Serena wants to go to Buckingham Palace and make the guards laugh and she wants to go to Harrods to shop. But Carter has other ideas. He wants to take her to museums and parks. She protests and he doesn't listen.

"We live on Museum Mile, Carter. We don't need to see anymore!" She whines.

"We also live on Fifth Avenue and don't need to shop." He fires back.

She's quiet again and he smirks.

So she walks away from him, stands on the edge of the sidewalk and calls a taxi and goes to Harrods alone. He can't really stop her.

So he follows her instead: he thinks he is falling for her. Again.

XoXo

She picks the next destination and she chooses Rome. She misses the Vespas and she thinks that now is a good a time as any.

He's sceptical about this trip but he agrees. He can't refuse Serena.

"This is beautiful!" She cries.

"Not as beautiful as you." Is his smooth reply.

They're standing by The Trevi Fountain when it happens. He kisses her.

He doesn't know why he chooses that moment, and he doesn't know why he doesn't in full view of everyone. But he does.

And Serena thinks she likes it. It's maybe what she needs after all and that it maybe wrong but when has Serena ever played by the rules? Something has to make her forget and if Carter's offering, then why not and she thinks of the phrase: When in Rome...

So she kisses him back.

XoXo

They carry this routine on; a new city every week and a new country every other one. It's hard to keep track of time and they're always jet-lagged but it's worth it.

"I could do with a Margarita right now." She announces, pulling his arm and leading him into the closest bar.

And he willingly obliges with her request.

They're acting somewhat like a couple; holding hands and showering each other with kisses. Sometimes he even buys her presents and takes her out for a meal. It's all so wrong but all so right at the same time.

Serena's starting to forget and she's starting to have fun. Carter's with her and he's taking care of her. It makes her feel safe and exposed at the same time. It's exhilarating and what she's been trying to achieve all holiday.

But sometimes she can't help feel that that's not enough.

XoXo

Their trip to Spain was a short one: they've gotten into another argument and Serena demands they leave.

She's had about enough.

XoXo

They're in Paris this week and Serena insists that they visit her best friend who is quite clearly hurting because of Chuck but Carter is sceptical. He doesn't think that it's such a wise idea considering her abrupt departure and her choice of company. Serena doesn't want to hear any of this, so she tells Carter to stay at the hotel whilst she calls a car and visits Blair.

He doesn't argue: it is of no use when the person on the other end of the argument is Serena van der Woodsen. It's quite obvious who would win.

It takes her two hours to get from the heart of Paris to arrive at Harold and Roman's vineyard and Serena is worried. She knows that Carter is right and that Blair is probably angry at Serena for skipping out on Paris and leaving with the one person she hates more than Chuck Bass but she also knows her best friend needs her and that it's only fair that she offer her apologies.

Blair doesn't greet her with the anger she expects. In fact she doesn't greet her at all.

Harold tells her that Chuck is in hospital and Blair has only just left. Just hours ago.

Serena is in shock and doesn't know what to say. After all, it's her own brother that's in hospital yet she is clueless. She doesn't know why and she doesn't know when. She's been too ignorant.

She quietly asks Harold whether she can borrow his computer; she has arrangements to make.

Harold willingly allows her and offers his condolences regarding Chuck's situation.

She nods and makes her way towards Blair's bedroom where she opens her email and reads each one. Slowly.

She doesn't really understand what is going on but she knows that Chuck is in a critical condition in a hospital in Prague. Alone; until now. Blair is flying over and Serena is going to be there within a few hours too. Lily, Erik and_ he _would most likely fly over together and he would have his family by his side in no time.

XoXo

She has booked a ticket to Prague for that afternoon. It's only 11am and she doesn't know what to do. The flight is at 4pm and she's already back in Paris. She decides to indulge in yet another shopping spree. She's not going to tell Carter what's happening because he will inevitably want to accompany her, and she is pretty sure that Chuck will not appreciate Carter's presence and she would rather not aggravate Chuck in his current condition.

She buys enough clothes to last her a month in Prague and stuffs them in a set of newly bought Louis Vuitton hardsided luggage. She's no doubt bought more than she needs, but she's leaving all her clothes behind and she's going to need plenty if she wants to be dressed at her best at all times.

She is thankful that she carries her passport and all other important legal documents in her ridiculously overpriced designer handbags: it's saved her a run in with Carter.

Or so she thinks.

She's happily strolling through the Parisian streets, luggage in hand talking to the poor unsuspecting teenage boy who was fawning over her that she has employed to carry her luggage when Carter spots her from across the street.

He's surprised to see her with such a young boy and carrying such a lot of luggage and he can't help but wonder what's happening.

He looks at her again and looks at her properly. She looks the happiest she's been in over a month and it kind of hurts his heart. He understands that she's leaving and that, that it what is making her happy so he let's her go.

Besides, he see's a tinge of unhappiness clouding her eyes and he wants to think it's because she's leaving him: he doesn't want to know the real reason.

It would break his heart just a little bit more than it already is.

XoXo

She does see Carter from across the street and she does realize he see's her.

She likes the fact that he decides to let go.

XoXo

She lands in Prague at six pm. The flight was uncomfortable and she spent the duration of it in anticipation and worry.

Not least for Chuck.

There was a limo driver with her name on a card waiting for her at the airport and she figured that Blair had gotten her email. She walked to the limo driver with the luggage cart and smiled warmly at him. He immediately took her luggage cart and escorted her to the limo.

The ride over was short and she received a phonecall from Blair who is asking whether she has landed.

"I'm here B. Don't worry. Thanks for the limo." She says gratefully.

"No problem. Just get here quick. He won't stop asking about you."

And Serena knows exactly who _he _is.

XoXo

She arrives at Motol University with a fluttery feeling in her stomach.

"Where can I find Mr Chuck Bass?" She asks, after being directed to the right ward several times.

The nurse unfortunately does not speak English and Serena has to fetch her Czech speaking limo driver to translate. It takes a while but she's finally in Chuck's room.

He looks frail and he hasn't come around yet but she knows that something very serious has happened. Before she knows it there are tears falling from her eyes and staining her cheeks.

There are various arms around her, calming her but she can only feel one pair.

His.

XoXo

He escorts her out of Chuck's room because everyone agrees it's best for her to leave. She cannot really comprehend why this happened to Chuck but she knows it's wrong.

Evil and cynical he may be but he would never hurt a fly so why would anyone hurt him.

Tears are falling again and his arms have found their way to her waist and he pulls her in.

It's in that moment she realizes that Carter was never right for her.

Sure she liked all that he did and all the ways he made her feel but she never loved them.

She loved the way Nate didn't have to say anything but still comfort her. She loved the way she only felt safe and secure in his arms and she loved the way he knew what was best for her without even having to ask.

He just knew her.

And she loved that.

"I love you."

It's all she manages to choke out before jumping into his arms and giving him that kiss. The one she loved so much. Because even though she liked that way Carter called her beautiful she loved the way Nate didn't have to and she may liked the way he looked at her with longing she adored the way Nate looked at her with love.

And that one kiss makes her heart feel alive again and gives her the feeling that everything is going to be okay again.


End file.
